TAKE TWO WITH CHLOE SMITH - Northern School of Contemporary Dance

Eleni Green

My first question is, how did you decide that you wanted to go to dance school?

Chloe Smith

I always wanted to dance. I didn’t enjoy school very much on the academic side and when it came to choosing A levels for college, I really was like, No, I want to be dancing. I found a course that I felt really suited to me and I just went with that instinct and I didn’t really have a backup. Then, it was very much; I’m just auditioning for dance schools. I didn’t apply for other unis or anything. I wasn’t expecting to get in anywhere. So, I just really went with the attitude of, this is so exciting, going to have some fun. So, I think in my mind, I wasn’t thinking, if I don’t get in anywhere, what is the backup? What else will I do? So maybe I was really pushing. It was like, no, I am going to dance school, but subconsciously.

How did your feelings towards training change between this year and last year with the impact of the pandemic?

It wasn’t until I walked through the door on the first day of second year that I was like, I’m a Northern student now. I think it was all the little things of not being able to eat lunch in the canteen, and not having Northern hoodies and not being able to use the library, and not meeting everyone in your year. It was just the things that you wouldn’t even initially think about but they really helped to build the whole picture of I am a Northern student. I think because COVID impacted every single aspect of your life, it was hard to find yourself and refind that identity of who am I and what stage of my life am I in? I knew I was a first year at Northern but I wasn’t a first year at Northern because things weren’t like normal. It was like I know this, but it’s not this. But now in second year – it’s very packed, very full on but it’s good. I feel like I’m doing what I signed up to do.

Over lockdown you’ve said that smaller groups developed within your year. Do you think that now second year is coming together as a big group?

I would definitely say we are coming together. In first year, you were bubbled so there were only 15 people in a class and you bubbled with your house. I love my housemates but this is brilliant, not being with them. When you come home, you can ask, how was your day? What did you do? Whereas last year, it was like, well, I know how you’re doing. And I know what you did. There was definitely this period in the first few weeks and the first few social events where it was really the same conversations, just talking about COVID and talking about first year, and I think people have started getting bored of that. I think maybe now there’s this kind of sense of, Yeah, I don’t know who you are. But so what? Let’s just talk to each other rather than have that awkward introduction because we didn’t have it in first year. I think people are starting to think, we’re all second years now; we’re all here, let’s make the most of it rather than starting again. You don’t realise how much a hug can impact you or just hanging out or going to someone’s house for a cup of tea, just the simplest things, but to have that taken away for so long? And now it’s a habit. I think people are taking advantage of it more because you really start to appreciate it.

What are you currently working on with school?

We’ve just gone into the rehearsal period and I’m working with Fifi. We’re on our eighth day, early in the process. I think that it has been a really interesting process because, whether it’s the teaching and choreographic side, or the student side, there’s been a lot of expectations that haven’t either been realistic or are just different to what people thought coming into it. There’s been some kind of tension and a bit of upset. It was today that we all sat and had a really open, honest conversation and people could get a lot off their chest. It was nothing nasty, it was nothing like that. It was just a genuine, how is everyone doing? I think it was important to realise that we didn’t learn a lot of the skills and the technique that a normal second year has. Coming into this process, because we’re in second year, I think there was this expectation of, you know how to do floor work, you know how to do contact work, you know how to lift people. But obviously we didn’t have that; you weren’t even allowed to touch each other, so how are you going to practice contact? It’s been a real understanding that no, we don’t know this, but also that’s okay. And how do we move forward? How do we teach these skills in such a short time? Of course, there’s the demand of actually making a piece and getting it finished but also, how do we do this safely? Professionally, how do we support each other?

Also, it’s been really interesting because my expectations of this process were completely different to what the process actually is. I think I went into this weird mindset of Yeah, we’re gonna come in, we’re gonna learn loads of rep, it’s gonna be great. Someone’s gonna tell me what to do. I can just go on stage and perform it. That’s not what it is at all. And that’s not bad. I think it’s easy to build up in your mind what you think something’s going to be like. But it’s about having that room for, okay, it’s not like that; it’s like this. Let’s go. Rather than being like, it’s not like that. Why is it not like that? Because it doesn’t help anyone. So, I think having those expectations on both sides, and then actually meeting it and being like, okay, this isn’t really working, or that’s not how it is. Let’s move forward with it. Today was really great with having that conversation with everyone, and it was with everyone, it wasn’t like a few were taken to the side, everyone had the chance to say what they needed to, what they wanted to and then for it to be a discussion. That felt very positive.

What are you interested in doing after you graduate?

This is something I’m going through right now, working this out. I think ever since I was young, and I started getting into dance, I had this idea that I’m going to be a performer and I’m going to be on the stage. The longer I’m here, and the more I’m exposed to, the more I have realised that performing is actually such a tiny part of what dance is. And I think I’m realising that I don’t really want to do that. It’s not really exciting for me and it doesn’t really fulfil me. Being on stage, performing, having that round of applause, it’s an incredible feeling – you can’t explain it unless you’ve had it – but it doesn’t feel like enough. I have recently become really interested in inclusive practice, community work and dance therapy and that is what I start to get really passionate about; that’s what I get excited talking about. I volunteer now at the adult inclusive class on Wednesday and it’s so rewarding, I come out of that session feeling so uplifted. It will be the tiniest thing that I’ll take from the session. There is a participant in the session who doesn’t talk. At times, they may seem uninterested or uninvolved but every once in a while, they will clap their hands or swing their arms and it’s such a beautiful moment to make that connection with that person. I think at the moment, where I am, I want to be doing more of the teaching side of things, but specifically within an inclusive environment. That’s just where I feel like my heart is at the moment.

How do you feel your training here is relevant specifically to inclusive practice – or do you think your training is relevant?

Coming into this process with rehearsal period I hit a real place of why am I doing this? I don’t want to be doing this; this is hurting me physically; I am tired. I really couldn’t see what the point was of putting myself through this, because I didn’t want to perform once I’d left so it felt like a waste of time. Since then, I’ve had a few conversations with teachers and they offered me suggestions, saying, you can use this module and everything you do here because you can start thinking, is this inclusive? Would you run it like this; what would you change and what would you do differently? Not in a critical way at all to the person running it but just for myself, starting to think that if I were in these roles and this were my responsibility – what do I want my performers to get out of it? Also, even if I’m not the one performing, if I’m working with people who are performing then I think it’s really important to have that experience for yourself so you can either sympathise, relate, give advice to, or help because you have been there and you have done it.

And everything that I’m interested in is still relevant to dance; it’s still dance practice so being in this environment is still right. I enjoy dance but I think also I’m really starting to understand what my boundaries are and I think that’s really important. Especially with my body, I don’t want to keep putting my body through this and then having to deal with the injury and the rehab. A dancer’s world doesn’t stop at 5 pm when you finish for the day, you’ve then got to go home and massage and roll out and stretch; it’s constant. Then you’re seeing an osteopath or a physio. You give everything to dance because it affects your whole life.

I think when I got the place at Northern, I was like, Northern is the best school; it’s going to be great. But now I can see that there was no way that Northern’s BA course was made for Chloe Smith. There was no way I was going to come here and enjoy everything and love everything. So, I feel a bit silly for thinking that but if someone told me that before I came, I don’t think I would have understood it. It’s equally important to find out what you don’t like as much as what you do like because, being exposed to all these elements means you can think, I’m really interested in that but I never want to do that again. I think definitely when you get that email you think, that school is the best, I’m going to have the best three years of my life. I think it’s important to be kind to yourself about that and say, it’s not but that’s ok.

How do you know when you really want something?

I feel like I’m quite in tune with my emotions so for me it’s when I get that kind of excited ooOOoo. It’s almost like an internal thing that becomes external because I start to get physically responsive to something. I think also that I talk a lot and I like talking, it’s how I process and deal with a lot of things, so I’ve had friends say that they can see what I get passionate about and what lights me up. Also, we do a lot of physical stuff here and I’m finding that I’m not really going out and doing extra physical stuff, extra classes, but I’ve started doing some autism courses and some dementia care courses. I’m using my extra time to find other things that I’m interested in and I’m going to benefit from so I think that’s a real sign of what you must really care about or what you must really want to do.

What would you do if you couldn’t dance? Not in an injury sense more that the world changes and you are no longer allowed to dance.

I feel like that’s a really hard question because you don’t know until you can’t. The thing is that I’ve always loved music so even if I’m just sat on a train or something and I’ve got headphones in, I’m making up twelve different routines or I’m on stage with Beyoncé or someone. For me, it doesn’t always have to be physical, sometimes it can just be me zoning out for a bit and then remembering that I’m cooking dinner. I think I’d find it difficult because I like moving and improv has become my favourite thing because it’s so accessible and it doesn’t matter how you’re feeling. I think before I became comfortable with talking and opening up, dance was the thing I went to because you don’t have to say anything, you can just move and it’s always helped me to deal with something because I can physically express how I’m feeling. So, it would impact me a lot, not being able to move because, in my head, I don’t normally put an emotion or a reason behind it, it just comes without thinking. A song comes on and it just happens. But when you’re actually doing it, you can start to embody it and process what’s going on. So, I think I’d be quite sad.